Less Fixing, More Feeling: The Listening Shift That Changes Everything

You know those moments when your child is melting down in the middle of a grocery store or shouting “I hate you!” after being asked to clean up their Legos?

Your brain kicks into overdrive. You want to fix it. You want to say the right thing, stop the chaos, make the big emotions go away—fast.

But what if I told you your child doesn’t need you to fix it in that moment?

They need you. Present. Calm. Attuned.

Not to fix the feelings, but to feel with them. Journey through the feelings with them.

Why We Jump Into “Fix It” Mode

It’s completely normal. As moms, we want to make things better for our kids. We want to protect them from hurt, frustration, embarrassment—all the hard stuff.

But when our ego jumps in first, something subtle but powerful happens:
We start parenting from fear and our distress, not connection.

“Stop crying!”
“You’re fine, just calm down!”
“There’s no reason to be upset about that.”

Sound familiar?

These reactions usually come from a good place—our desire to soothe and move forward. But they often land as disconnection. Our child hears: My feelings are too much. I should shut them down.

What They Really Need in Big Emotion Moments

They need you to stay steady, not solve.

They need presence, not pressure.

They need to feel safe enough to ride the wave of emotion—knowing you’re not going anywhere. Knowing that you are the safe container for all their feelings, no matter how big, no matter how yucky and challenging.

My child’s big emotions don’t require big reactions—just my grounded presence.

When your child is upset, their nervous system is in overdrive. Their brain is not in a place to hear logic or correction. What helps them come back online is your regulation.

Not your lecture. Not your fix. Your calm.

The Ego vs. Empathy Dance

Trimboli, in How to Listen, puts it beautifully: "The ego wants to take over the conversation. It wants to be right, be in control, be the 'grown-up.'" But that same ego can bulldoze empathy—and empathy is what makes your child feel safe to open up.

When you set the ego aside—even just for a few breaths—you unlock a whole new parenting superpower: emotional attunement.

Empathy doesn’t mean agreeing. It means understanding.

It says: “I see you. I hear you. I’m with you.”

That kind of listening doesn’t just calm the moment—it builds trust for a lifetime.

Try This at Home: The Feel-First Pause

Next time your child is spiraling, try this:

1. Pause. Say nothing for a moment. Just breathe. Let your body signal calm.

2. Check your ego. Remind yourself: “This is not about me. My job isn’t to fix. It’s to be.”

3. Use simple empathy. Say something like:

   • “Wow, you’re having a big feeling. I’m here.”

   • “I get why that was frustrating. Let’s breathe together.”

4. Stay. Even if they’re still upset, your non-reactive presence helps their brain settle.
   That’s the moment real connection happens.

It’s not always easy. But every time you choose presence over pressure, you're teaching your child how to handle hard things—with you, not against you.

What Happens When You Listen Without Needing to Fix

✨ Your child learns that emotions aren’t dangerous—they’re safe to feel.
✨ You stay grounded, even when things get loud or messy.
✨ You build emotional safety and trust that lasts beyond childhood.
✨ You model regulation, which teaches them how to find calm in chaos.

And maybe most important of all?

✨ You stop carrying the weight of needing to have the perfect response.

You're not failing when your child struggles. You're leading with love every time you stay close, calm, and curious.

💛 Ready for More Calm, Clarity, and Confidence?

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure this all out by yourself.

Inside The Empowered Mom’s Membership, you’ll find:

• Brain-based, grace-filled parenting strategies

• A village of moms who get it

• Real tools and scripts for real-life meltdowns and messiness

• Encouragement, not judgment

You were never meant to do this parenting thing solo. Come join a space where your growth matters just as much as your child’s.

👉 Join us now and take your next step toward calm, connected parenting.

You’ve got this—and we’ve got you. 💛